


Grape is the Worst

by hullomoon



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 09:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20061985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hullomoon/pseuds/hullomoon
Summary: David and Patrick know what to do when the other is sick, but when it's both of them they are just a disaster.





	Grape is the Worst

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfic in years and have never actually published any and of course this show is what gets me started. This all started because "What would happen if David and Patrick were sick at the same time?" and I learned that popsicle flavors can cause great debate. I am definitely Patrick on this one.

By now they’ve done this enough they have a system. Patrick will always try to power through the first couple days of an illness before David can convince him to stay at their house to actually get rest. David also learned the first time when Patrick was sick that he will whine the entire time and grumble into David’s sweater as they cuddle. It’ll be about anything, how sore his throat is, he can’t breath through his nose, or how actually he feels better and can definitely go back to work tomorrow. Patrick learned that David is surprisingly a better patient then he thought, as long as David didn't have access to WebMD then he was much better than himself. They had been lucky and neither of them had gotten sick at the same time, although a few times it had been back to back, so when they finally were sick at the same time it was a disaster. They managed to get Alexis to watch the store, but soon realized there was a problem when they ran out of supplies. 

"Daaavid, we’re out of grape popsicles!" Patrick whined as he slowly made his way back to their bed. 

"Good, grape is fucking disgusting," David whispered back, his sore throat making it impossible to speak any louder. 

"Grape is the best flavor and if this cold doesn't kill me I will die on that hill," Patrick replied. 

"It doesn't taste like actual grapes, it's just artificial shit. Besides fruit popsicles are clearly superior and you know that because I've seen you eat a raspberry one before," David said. 

"Well, that's just your opinion and I can like both kinds just fine," Patrick said as he finally reached the bed and proceeded to snuggle into David's chest. "Besides that doesn't change the fact that we’re out of popsicles and I'm pretty sure we're out of your chicken noodle soup too."

"Well I'm not showing this face in public," David said as he gestured to his face which had three days worth of stubble, his hair matted and starting to curl at the edges, and the beginnings of a red nose. "so I guess we'll have to say goodbye to some of our wine and hope it's enough to convince Stevie to pick something up for us."

"Honestly I don't care who you ask or what it takes because I don't think I have the energy to get into the car" Patrick mumbled as he slowly fell asleep. 

David grabbed his phone off the bedside table and began texting Stevie. 

**David** : so, remember how i'm your best friend?

**Stevie** : sometimes patrick beats you in that category

**David** : well that's good for me. patrick and i are still too sick to pick supplies up, could you do it?

**Stevie** : what do I get out of this?

**David** : besides my continued friendship and support? a bottle of wine

**Stevie** : make it two and i’ll do it

**David** : deal. i'll call the cafe so all you have to do is pick up the order and then stop by the grocery store for some popsicles. i know patrick's gonna bitch but get the fruit ones because they're better. 

**Stevie** : be at the door when i get there because i'm not stepping in to your germ infested place

**David** : i'll try my best

David called the cafe and put in his to go order and then put his phone down on the table. He snuggled down next to Patrick who by now was fully asleep and was beginning to snore softly. 

\---

Stevie arrived at David and Patrick’s house fifteen minutes later, the bags of food in one hand and the other banging on the front door. After standing there for a couple of minutes she pulled out her phone to call David.

“You better answer your phone” Stevie muttered.

After it went to voicemail,she huffed and pulled the spare key out of her pocket. She entered the house and headed to the kitchen to place the bags on the counter, pushing the mugs that werre in her way to make room. The kitchen showed signs of beginning neglect, besides the mugs all over the counter there was a half empty box of tea bags next to the stove where a tea kettle sat. The trashcan was overflowing with the popsicle box precariously sitting on top. She put the soup in the fridge and the popsicles in the freezer. Stevie started to head towards David and Patrick’s bedroom to quickly check to make sure they were still breathing before she headed out.

When she gets to the doorway she can’t help but stifle a laugh. Patrick was shoved as far into David’s neck has he possibly could be all the while snoring so loud she couldn't believe David hadn't woken up. David wasn’t much better as he was making those weird mouth breathing sounds which were most likely because he had a tissue shoved up one of his nostrils. Stevie took a picture and then left, locking the door.

\---

**David** : sorry you had to come in, i fell the fuck to sleep

**Stevie** : i at least got something good out of this [photo attachment]

**David** : DELETE THAT!

**David** : god i look awful, and here i was apologizing to you for making you come inside the house when in reality you’re taking pictures of me on my deathbed.

**Stevie** : i would hardly call that a deathbed, you two were snoring loud enough to wake the dead.

**David:** i do not snore, although patrick definitely does. it takes a lot of will-power not to smother him with the pillow.

**Stevie** : well you didn’t seem to have any issues when i was there. you were completely out of it

**David** : i’m just going to ignore you now. 

David put his phone down and gently nudged Patrick awake. Patrick mumbled and snorted as his eyes finally opened, a smile grew on his face when he saw David.

“Come on, let’s try and take a shower. I feel like I’m covered in illness and you’re probably not any better,” David said as he grabbed Patrick’s hand and headed towards the door.

“I can do what I did the first time I was sick and fall asleep on the shower floor,” Patrick said.

“Yeah I wasn’t very good at caring for you when I wasn’t sick, so I’m not going to bother attempting that when I’m sick. If you fall asleep I’ll just leave you there.”

David and Patrick reached the bathroom door and Patrick shut the door as David started the water. Once the water was warm enough they pulled off their clothes and stepped into the shower. They took turns using the shampoo and conditioner. 

“Well I think the steam is at least helping me breathe better,” Patrick said.

“I might get some actual sleep tonight then, I swear you’re snoring directly into my ear on purpose,” David teased as he poured shower gel onto a washcloth and began rubbing Patrick’s back. 

Patrick groaned as he leaned his head on the wall. “Well I don’t like waking up and finding our bed full of those tissues that have fallen out of your nose during the night so I think some light snoring is payback.”

David finished scrubbing Patrick down and handed Patrick the washcloth so he could do the same to David. When Patrick finished he turned off the water and stepped out and grabbed a towel. They dried off and changed into new clothes. 

“I hope we get better in the next couple of days,” Patrick said as he climbed into bed.

“Me too hon,” David replied snuggled down in the blanket and turned toward Patrick. Patrick gave David a kiss and then closed his eyes as he went to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read this! If you want to scream about Schitt's Creek with me visit me on [tumblr](https://hullomoon.tumblr.com/)


End file.
